100 words 093

The Chef is sharing Piglet's cold. With them both sniffly I attempted more of the night-shift, only to be thwarted by my inability to get back to sleep.

Which is the excuse I'm using for today's work failures. A day where all I ended up doing was finding out a hundred ways to not fix my problem. Not in that platitudinous business writing way, where you get the right answer and a story. Just a hundred failed attempts.

I'm hopeful of a night's sleep and it being trivial to fix tomorrow.

On a brighter note, the Infamous Machine is fun.

100 words 078

Piglet made it through nursery today without vomiting on herself in distress! Which is progress of sorts.

Her key worker said she'd sat in a buggy, in between bouts of tears, quietly watching the other kids play. Which is bona fide progress. Who knows? In a few weeks she might enjoy herself.

But the reason you're reading this is for updates on my sleep. Piglet had me 10 minutes on, 60 minutes off all of last night. Lǎolao and Lǎoyé were babysitting this afternoon and I got to have a nice hour-an-a-bit nap while everyone ate well and played happily.

100 words 076

It's here. The Chef's last day. Piglet hasn't taken it well.

She missed her additional introductory session at nursery because she's too snotty to share a room with other babies.

We had steak, chocolate and malbec queued for the evening, to finish with some panache. We'd even planned to have teary cuddles with full bellies and talk through the coming year.

Instead Piglet woke halfway through the meal and refused to sleep for the next three hours. There was a threat of not finishing the wine and each parent had to be relieved before throwing her out of the window.

100 words 074

We were over to the coast for a BBQ for my sister's birthday. Piglet was clearly still a bit shaken and clingy following nursery yesterday. She improved over the course of the afternoon and volunteered herself for some Lăolao cuddles.

She outdid herself by cracking out her first steps! A tentative two or three at a time when walking between me and The Chef.

Within a week she's done first word, nursery and first steps. As Lenin put it:

There are decades where nothing happens; and there are weeks where decades happen.

Now if we can get her to sleep...

100 words 066

No update yesterday; Northumberland has many merits, but WiFi isn't amongst them.

Piglet's first camping trip was a qualified success.

We spent more time packing and travelling than we did camping. The car was fuller than our two week France trips. Life with a baby.

We've lost our camping stove, so we loaned one, which I couldn't get to work.

Our airbed has a slow puncture and by 2am we were on the ground. At 4am Piglet had a 10 minute wail. We ended up cosleeping, but I didn't get kicked out of bed.

We're booked in again on Sunday!

100 words 065

To mark the end of maternity leave, we're introducing Piglet to camping.

We're being sensible/cowardly and camping for one night only, 30 minutes drive from home. It's got the twin benefits of being a beautiful part of the country and it's a short panic drive for bailing on disaster.

The campsite has a no noise after 10.30pm policy. She's slept well for the last few nights, so fingers crossed for the same in a tent. For everyone's sake.

I'll pack an extra sleeping bag in case I get kicked off the airbed for the girls to co-sleep though.

100 words 063

Missed a couple of days through illness. Piglet took to inconsolable evening crying till midnight. She refused to be picked up or put down, which was a conundrum.

By the time we escaped the nursery we were a combination of frazzled and knackered (knazzled? frackered?). Any updates would have been 100 words of "Why won't she sleep?"

Much improved last night. She let us eat pork, drink wine and chat like adults. She even slept till 8.30am. Fish and chips on the beach was her reward. A one year old isn't supposed to eat that, but what you gonna do?

100 words 061

Doing 100 words each day with a boddler confined to the house is not always easy.

Yesterday marked a week since her vaccinations and the pseudo-measles kicked in. She got to try out a proper sick day. Favourite TV on the couch while cuddling her toys; napping in the sling while The Chef puttered; 4 hour nap instead of 2. She cried all through my evening Mandarin class, so once done I tagged in for my stint.

We reversed roles today and I'm writing this while Piglet does her best pneumatic piston impression, extracting her soothing milk before sleep.

100 words 055

The neighbours out back stand and call their cat in every night by shouting "Molly!" repeatedly. Don't they know they should just stand there stage whispering "pspspspsps"?

Our noisy neighbour β€” the one who thinks 9 pm is reasonable for using power tools and has confined his kids to the house for the full lockdown β€” has taken to going round between 9 and 10 pm and slamming all his doors for some unknown reason.

Two doors up have a toddler and a baby. The toddler excitedly keeps the baby awake. The baby does not enjoy this.

It's a wonder Piglet sleeps.

100 words 051

Having been woken up for the whateverth time at small number o'clock, I lowered the monitor volume to avoid waking The Chef. I dozed off watching Piglet rattling the bars and when I woke, she'd fallen asleep. I remember thinking, "I hope she hasn't hit her head and died," before rolling over with the thought, "If she has, nothing I can do about it now."

Dad of the Year!

She served revenge at 5 am saying "Dada!" and getting my hopes up that I might get first word. Then she turned, looked me dead in the eyes and said, "bababababababa"

100 words 040

Corona madness is setting in for The Chef. After staying up too late with an unreliable sleeper in the house β€” after 11 pm on a school night! That was late even before Piglet β€” I dinged my bedside light off to go to sleep. The Chef's light was still on. Rather than turn it off, she shouted, "WHY IS IT STILL LIGHT?" before realising and embarrassedly dinging hers off too.

Around 30 minutes later Piglet reacted to our descent by starting another tooth. I'm considering becoming an polar explorer.

We really need to get out and interact with other humans soon.

100 words 034

Piglet's Tiny Tyrant nickname never feels more apt than when I'm peeling and quartering grapes before feeding them directly into her mouth, because she's gotten too bored and lazy to feed herself. It's cemented by her haughty expression of knowing smugness at the situation.

Unless it's more apt when she demands to sleep only while being held in a cuddle, refusing to lie in her cot. Cast as a palanquin, my pot-belly serving as a pillow β€” her breathing, a babbling brook β€” teaches me my place in the pecking order.

And you know what, I wouldn't change a single thing.

100 words 028 & 029

(Double update to catch up on missed days. 200 words if you will.)

While the weather is gloriously Mediterranean, Treacle is living in the garden. Every time she hears the brash blackbirds she shows the courage shared by guinea pigs and Prime Ministers and flees into her hutch. I don't blame her. I'm not confident I could fight them either.

In an unintentional eavesdrop, we discovered the neighbour-over-the-back-fence's daughter's name. I thought he was having a Covid related breakdown shouting, "Alexa, stop it. Alexa! This is your final warning!" before The Chef pointed out it was likely his daughter. School must be a laugh a minute for her.

In explaining my confusion over the non-voice-assistant family member, I futzed my words and declared that, "My drain has been brinking." I do love beer in the Friday sunshine. When are beer gardens safe to drink in again? I want to sit in the Free Trade and stare along the Tyne.

Our nursery is south facing. Piglet got so hot in her sleeping bag that, on resettling, it felt like cuddling a microwaved potato. Two hours later and still no sign of sleep...

100 words 003

Piglet's reaction to lockdown has been to grow all her teeth in a single sitting and, consequently, give up on sleep.

The obvious effect is that me and The Chef have never been more knackered. We're over-communicating everything to avoid pass agg-ing our way to mutual destruction. But...

Β 

Β 

Maximum forgiveness for each other is expected and given.

The secondary effect, is jealousy of other's lockdown lives. We'd love a Switch to binge Animal Crossing and Zelda. Instead we're pacing, shushing and attacking an infant with a Calpol syringe.

Then I speak to parents of toddlers and kids and cry vicariously.

Typehut